By Hal McCoy
UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from The Man Cave, wondering in my infertile mind if Shohei Ohtani and/or Aaron Judge could be humanoid robots.
—PAID IN FULL: The Cincinati Reds removed about $3.6 million from their payroll the last few days. No, they didn’t cut Jose Trevino or Gavin Lux or Jake Fraley, players making that much this season.
It went to a player who would be about the seventh highest-paid player on the roster this season, if he were on the roster.
No, the money went to a ghost from the past, a player who hasn’t appeared in an MLB game for 15 years. It was the last deferred payment of exactly $3,593,750 to Ken Griffey Jr., who last swung a bat for the Reds in 2010.
It was a contract negotiated by former GM Jim Bowden, who deferred $57.5 million for 16 years after Griffey retired.
So now what? Does Griffey have applications in to become a professional photographer? Would that be a snap decision?
—IT’S CUBAN SMOKE: Aroldis Chapman is aging like Cuban tobacco, which figures because he defected from the Cuban National baseball team in 2009 by walking away during a tournament in the Netherlands.
The tall, lanky left-handed Boston Red Sox closer resembles a 7×54 Cohiba stood on its end. And why not? He throws smoke.
Last week he threw the fastest pitch of the season. . .104 miles an hour.
He is 37 years old and throws a pitch 104 miles an hour, pitches that most likely screech as they pass cringing hitters? Incredible. He is in his 15th MLB season after debuting with the Cincinnati Reds in 2010 at 22 years old.
In those years with the Reds, New York Yankees, Pittsburgh and Boston, he has struck out 1,264 batters in 772 2/3 innings. He is 57-46 with a career 2.62 earned run average.
“I can maybe depend on my fastball a little more than some other pitchers,” he said. Ya think?
—INFIELD ROLLERS: Elly De La Cruz runs like a gazelle being chased by a cheetah — and sometimes makes the same mistakes as a gazelle — and is piling up infield hits this season.
Could he set an MLB record for infield hits, also known as scratch hits? He could, but it’s a long reach.
In 2004 Seattle’s Ichiro Suzuki set an MLB record with 262 hits. And there was a record within that record. . .57 infield hits, the most ever in a season.
Ichiro thought more about infield hits than home runs and said, “Chicks who dig home runs aren’t the ones who appeal to me. I think there’s sexiness in infield hits because they require technique”
Yes, technique. . .plus lucky placement and flying feet.
—MAY DAY, MAY DAY: On the same day last week the Detroit Tigers swept a doubleheader from the Colorado Rockies, 10-2 and 11-0, and Kansas City beat the Chicago White Sox, 10-0. And the Rockies lost to San Diego Saturday, 21-0.
After those games, Colorado was 6-33 and Chicago was 11-29. And in a four-game span the Rockies gave up 55 runs.
Instead of MLB eliminating some more minor league franchises, I have an idea. How about contracting a couple of major league teams.
Guess who?
But as Lee Corso would say, “Not so fast.” It was revealed that Pope Leo XIV is a Chicago White Sox fan. Nevertheless, even a Papal blessing can’t help that team.
—WAH, WAH, WAH: Did you catch the media scrum with Boston’s Rafael Devers last week. They should have played the Chet Baker song, ‘Everything Happens To Me’ in the background.
Devers was whining that during spring training the Red Sox told him, “Throw away your glove, you’re just going to DH.”
Devers, a third baseman, said now they want him to play first base and. . .oh, whoa is he, he won’t do it. Alex Bregman is the third baseman.
Devers should talk to Cincinnati’s Santiago Espinal. He has played third base, second base, left field, right field, first base. And he has batted in several different spots in the batting order.
Not only has he done it, he does it with a broad smile and plays solid defense at all those positions and is hitting over .300 no matter the spot in the order.
Devers needs to cover his mouth and do what the Bosox are paying him $29.5 million this year to do and $300 million on the second year of a 10-year contract.
—WALKING IN MEMPHIS (AND ELSEWHERE): When the Cincinnati Reds lost two games in three days on walk-offs by the Atlanta Braves recently, it set my fast-fading memory into overdrive.
I vaguely remembered hearing that an MLB team and three of its minor league affiliates all won walk-off games on the same night. And I was right.
Last August 22, the St. Louis Cardinals and three of their minor-league affiliates all won in walk-off fashion.
The Cardinals walked off the Milwaukee Brewers on Nolan Arenado’s 10th-inning grand slam home run.
Meanwhile, down on the farm, the Memphis Redbirds (AAA) walked off the Charlotte Knights on a sacrifice fly, the Springfield Cardinals (AA) walked off the Tulsa Drillers on a 10th-inning single and the Peoria Chiefs (High-A) walked off the Fort Wayne TinCaps on a walk-off home run,
The Palm Beach Cardinals (Low-A) didn’t read the memo. They won conventionally that night, 7-3, over the St. Lucie Mets.
—TOMMY WHO?: Every hear of Tommy Brown? Me neither. We all know that Joe Nuxhall was the youngest player to appear in an MLB game when he was 15.
But Nuxy was a pitcher. Do we know who was the youngest position player? Yes, it was Tommy Brown, 16 years old when he played his first game in 1944 for the Brookly Dodgers.
He lived in Brooklyn and the Dodgers held a tryout camp. A friend urged Brown to go. There were 3,000 kids at the tryout, but Brown stood out and was signed.
He was playing for the Class B Newport News (VA) Dodgers, but because the Dodgers lost so many players to the World War II draft, Brown was called up.
“I rode a train all night to get to Brooklyn, but that didn’t matter to manager Leo Durocher,” said Brown. “He said, ‘We’re playing a doubleheader and you’re playing shortstop in the first game.’”
At 16 years old, Brown doubled and scored a run against the Chicago Cubs. . .the beginning of a nine-year career with the Dodgers, Phillies and Cubs.
—ANOTHER BROWN-OUT: Over the past 10 years, every NFL team has put together at least one five-game winning streak. . .every team but one.
Surprise, surprise. The team not to do it is the Cleveland Browns. They haven’t had a five-game winning streak since 1994.
And in 1994, those were the Real Browns, the
Browns who moved to Baltimore. The Expansion Browns, born in 1999, have never won five straight and they’ve had 32 different starting quarterbacks over those 25 seasons.
—ANOTHER UECKER-ISM: From former catcher/broadcaster/comedian Bob Uecker: “My managers didn’t want me in the game. Heck, they didn’t want me on the bench. Kids ask which clubs I played for. Nobody, but I sat for a lot. We baseball stars called curveballs benders. I didn’t know much about curveballs, but I knew alot about benders.”
—THAT WASN’T COOL: When Mrs. Joan Payson owned the New York Mets and Yogi Berra was the manager, they ran into each other on an extremely hot day in Shea Stadium.
“My, Yogi, you look very cool on this very hot day,” said Mrs. Payson.
“Well, Mrs. Payson, you don’t look so hot yourself,” said Yogi.
And he kept his job.
—PLAYLIST NUMBER 169: As American author Nic Sheff said it, “It’s like if the music is loud enough I won’t be able to listen to my own thoughts.”
—Amarillo By Morning (George Strait), I Know A Place (Petula Clark), You Were On My Mind (We Five), Superstar (Carpenters), Hold Me Now (Thompson Twins), Here Comes The Rain Again (Eurythmics), Missing You (Johnny Waite), Take On Me (A-ha).
—Talking In Your Sleep (Romantics), Diggin’ Up Bones (Randy Travis), Where Do Broken Hearts Go (Whitney Houston), Why Can’t We Be Friends (War), I’m Not In Love (10CC), Day After Day (Badfinger), Total Eclipse Of The Heart (Bonnie Tyler), Sweet Child O’ Mine (Guns N’ Roses).
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