By HAL McCOY
UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from The Man Cave — Special edition on sports nicknames. My nickname as a child was ‘Bubby,’ and nobody found it offensive but me.
With all the attention on offensive and politically incorrect nicknames, let’s look into what teams might be under the microscope:
MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL
Atlanta Braves: That’s obvious.
Cincinnati Reds: Offensive to anti-communists.
Pittsburgh Pirates: They plundered and robbed and stole treasure.
Milwaukee Brewers: Offensive to the tee-totalers of the world.
San Francisco Giants: Offensive to tall people.
San Diego Padres: Offensive to Catholics.
New York Yankees: Damn Yankees was a Confederate reference to Union troops in the Civil War and offensive to folks above the Mason-Dixon Line.
Cleveland Indians: Obvious and why not rename them Cleveland Rocks.
Minnesota Twins: Offensive to all those born without a sibling born on the same day.
Kansas City Royals: Offensive to the British Royal family and all countries living under a monarchy.
Los Angeles Angels: Offensive to all Christians of the world.
Texas Rangers: Offensive to all those who are suddenly anti-lawmen.
NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE
Buffalo Bills: Buffalo Bill Cody was a scout during the ‘Indian Wars’ and was part of some Native American massacres.
Cleveland Browns: Offensive to all people with brown skin.
Dallas Cowboys: We all know what cowboys did to Native Americans, as portrayed in every cowboy movie ever made.
Houston Texans: Wasn’t it mostly Texans who shot and killed thousands of Mexicans so the U.S. could annex Mexican territory?
Minnesota Vikings: Those were some bad hombres sailing in those Viking ships.
Kansas City Chiefs: Offensive to the descendants of Geronimo, Cochise, Sitting Bull, Tecumseh and Crazy Horse.
New Orleans Saints: Offensive to all those religious folks who follow the meanings of their saints.
Las Vegas Raiders: Raiders were known to rob, pillage and rape.
New York Giants: Like the San Francisco baseball team, offensive to tall people.
Los Angeles Chargers: Chargers on their steeds killed and maimed many unarmed townspeople.
San Francisco 49ers: Those gold rush prospectors did some nasty things to each other, claim jumping and tearing up towns on Saturday nights.
New England Patriots: Destroyed valuable tea products in Boston Harbor and killed or wounded thousands of Red Coats.
New York Jets: Fight jets and bomber jets destroyed cities and killed thousands of defenseless citizens.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Like their baseball cousins, the Pirates, the Buccaneers were skallywags and thieves.
Washington Redskins: Obvious, along with Braves, Indians and Black Hawks.
NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION
Boston Celtics: Offensive to the Irish.
Brooklyn Nets: Fishermen use nets to trap defenseless fish.
New York Knicks: Peter Minuit, a Dutch Knickerbocker, bilked the Native Indians by purchasing Manhattan Island for $24 worth of trinkets.
Cleveland Cavaliers: A person with a cavalier attitude dismisses the rights of others.
Golden State Warriors: Self-explanatory.
Sacramento Kings: Offensive to any man who has sat on a throne wearing a crown.
Dallas Mavericks: Bret and Bart Maverick were not always good men.
Portland Trailblazers: Lewis & Clark killed a couple of Native Americans from the Black Foot tribe when they tried to steal their horses.
Silliness? Absolutely. Yes, a few teams might need to change their nicknames, but this could turn into madness and an absurdity.