By HAL McCOY
UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from The Man Cave, never believing that it would be fun peering out the back window at a cardinal (As long as it isn’t a St. Louis Cardinal).
—Politics should have no place in baseball and I certainly avoid it in this space, but. . .
We need baseball, right? It is so bad that I’m chewing on baseballs these days. They taste good with peanut butter.
Well, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) has put in his two cents worth, which is about all a politician’s opinion is worth when it comes to baseball.
McConnell went so far as to call baseball commissioner Rob Manfred to express his thoughts. It probably was a collect call.
“I called the commissioner of baseball a couple of weeks ago and I said, ‘America needs baseball. It’s the sign of getting back to normal. Any chance?’
“And you may have heard, there is discussion about having an abbreviated season beginning around the Fourth of July, where the teams would either play at their spring training sites in Arizona or Florida or play at home to largely empty stadiums,” he said.
Yeah, Mitch. We heard. How about using some of those ‘dirty politics’ we always hear about to get this done, if it is safe?
—QUOTE: From catcher/humorist Bob Uecker: “I was batting in the bottom of the ninth, one run down, bases loaded, 3-and-2 count, two outs. I looked into the Dodgers dugout and they were all dressed in their street clothes.” (And he struck out.)
—Exiled Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton signed a one-year contract with the Dallas Cowboys, which certainly should have current quarterback Dak Prescott looking over his shoulder pads.
They say Dalton will be Prescott’s back-up, but how long will it be if the Cowboys lose a couple before fans begin chanting, “We want Andy, we want Andy,”
Dalton took more abuse from Bengals fans than Michael Vick gave to pit bulls. It was if Andy was a member of the infamous Dalton Gang. Who can forget the booing Dalton received at a celebrity softball game in Riverfront Stadium?
During his years in Cincinnati Dalton was an outstanding citizen, never so much as a parking ticket. And he and his wife were fantastic contributors to charities.
May The Force be with you in Dallas, Mr. Dalton.
—From my good friend Ray Snedegar: “After all the stupid stuff I’ve done in my life, if I die from touching my face I’m going to be really angry.” (Wear a football helmet with a face mask, my friend.)
—How about this for a recruiting coup by University of Dayton football coach Rick Chamberlin? And remember, UD football does not offer athletic scholarships.
Nonetheless, Chamberlin and his coaches signed 45 players. They signed players off seven state champions, 18 all-state players, 35 all-conference players and 40 team captains.
Chamberlin hopes there is an Adam Trautman or two in that group.
—QUOTE: From former University of Houston coach Art Briles on recruiting: “I want guys that when you’re playing tag, you are never ‘it.’”
—In our last episode, I mentioned that a goofball in a Ferrari was clocked at 146 miles an hour on I-75.
Hilda Ratliff, owner of Mom’s Restaurant in Franklin (best breakfast in the state of Ohio), is the mother-in-law to Ohio Highway Patrol commander Chuck O’Bryon. He reported that a Volkswagen was clocked on I-75 at 142 miles per hour.
The Volkswagen had a turbo-charged engine and a driver with a 42 IQ.
—QUOTE: From novelist/journalist Carl Hiassen: “My driving record is not exemplary, but I’ve never had a speeding ticket over 100 mph. I can say that unequivocally.” (That’s probably because Hiassen never drove a turbo-charged Volkswagen.)
—On Saturday ESPN featured stone skipping and cherry-pit spitting. Are you serious?
Stay tuned for Tennis Racquet Throwing featuring John McEnroe, NASCAR Spark Plug Changing and Searching For Toilet Paper in the Amazon featuring Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin.
—As expected, Secretariat won the virtual Kentucky Derby featuring the 13 horses that won the Triple Crown.
Seattle Slew set the early pace, but Secretariat ran him down in the stretch. Citation finished second and Seattle Slew took third.
It was a neat idea, but virtual horse racing is like going to a virtual barber shop and getting a virtual haircut. Your hair still covers your ears.
QUOTE: From Cincinnati Reds third baseman Chris Sabo in Fountain Square after beating the Oakland A’s in four straight in the 1990 World Series: “We kicked their asses. They’re sitting at home all winter with nothing. We got the rings, we got the money, we got everything.” (And since 1990 the Reds have sat at home all winter with nothing.)
—Wear those masks, even though it is like breathing through a pair of your jockey shorts.