OBSERVATIONS: Can the Bengals stay in London (please)?

By HAL McCOY

UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from The Man Cave while wondering if maybe the Cincinnati Bengals should try soccer while they’re playing in Wembley Stadium. Soccer is known as football in England, but is that really American Football the Bengals are trying to play?

The Bengals proved Sunday that are just as bad internationally as they are in the USofA.

—Did the sideline reporter for the Ohio State-Wisconsin game actually say, “Wisconsin quarterback Jack Coan practiced all week with wet balls?” Yes, she certainly did. And the producer probably was in her ear screaming, “Say wet footballs, say wet footballs.”

—QUOTE: From legendary football broadcaster Keith Jackson, famous for saying, ‘Whoa, Nellie.”: “There were all kinds of stories going around. People said I had a mule in Georgia named Nellie. Well, we had a mule in Georgia, but her name was Pearl.”

—It isn’t often that I watch one player on defense, but Ohio State defensive end/offensive mayhem-maker Chase Young demands it. He can’t be missed, except by opposing offensive tackles.

After Young personally destroyed Florida Atlantic University, coach Lane Kiffin said, “The guy looks like the Predator. (Young’s nickname) “There’s only 10 guys like him in the world.”

Opposing quarterbacks never want to meet the other nine.

Would you believe that in high school Young played the piano, the violin, the saxophone and he sang in the choir? But the music he plays on the football field is beyond melodic.

QUOTE: From legendary musician James Taylor: “As long as you’re excited about what you’re playing, and as long as it comes from your heart, it’s going to be great.” (When Chase Young played those instruments and sang in the choir, he might have been excited, but what he does on the football field comes from even more than the heart.)

—How many Cincinnati Bengals fans were saying Sunday, “Can London keep the Bengals? Please.” Londoners, though, reply with, “No, thanks. We’ll take the Rams.”

It seems as if Bengals QB Andy Griffith — oops I meant Dalton — keeps looking downfield for A.J. Green. Has anybody seen him recently?

QUOTE: From Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton: “Not everything is going to go exactly the way you plan it. It’s what you do when everything breaks down.” (So far for Dalton and the Bengals, there have been more breakdowns than a 1958 Edsel.)

—From ESPN/Cleveland writer Tony Grossi: The forecast for Sunday in New England is gloomy and bad. And./ oh yeah, the weather will be bad, also.”

The weather was awful and the Browns were equally awful in the first quarter. They handled the football like a brick in a fire pit, fumbling the football on their first three plays on offense. Nick Chubb lost it twice.

The Browns defense is solid but so far young quarterback Baker Mayfield is better at commercials than he is running an offense. He is more likely to win an Emmy than he is a Super Bowl ring.

—The University of San Diego football team should be required to play with only nine players on offense. Eleven is unfair to Pioneer Football League opponents.

The Toreros destroyed Dayton Saturday afternoon, 50-38, their 33rd straight PFL victory. They haven’t lost a PFL game since 2015 and the Flyers won that one.

On offense, the Toreros have the weapons of mass destruction that the U.S. couldn’t find in Iraq.

QUOTE: From former University of Dayton football star and iconic Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll: “One thing you learn in football is that you are only as good as your last game.” (For the University of San Diego in the PFL, the Toreros (bullfighters in Spanish) are like bulls charging the red muleta waved in their faces, with no sword to worry about.)

—Why polls are meaningless, except to cause fans to turn purple and red.

In this week’s Associated Press poll, LSU jumped Alabama to become No. 1. Why, oh why?

LSU beat Auburn, 23-20, and could have lost. Meanwhile, Alabama beat Arkansas, 48-7, and Ohio State beat Wisconsin, 38-7.

LSU received 17 first place votes to 21 for Alabama, but the Bayou Bengals grabbed more overall points. No. 3 Ohio State also were given 17 first place votes.

Fear not, Buckeye fans. LSU and Alabama meet in two weeks and one of them will disappear from the Top Two. After a week off, OSU will slaughter Maryland while LSU and Alabama square off. Then the Buckeyes play hapless and helpless Rutgers and could win, 100-0, if they care to do that.

Actually, who cares right now. If OSU wins out (Penn State, Michigan in their final two), they’ll be in the national championship playoffs.

QUOTE: “From Clemson coach Dabbo Swinney on why Alabama is the smartest state in the union: “You know, four A’s and a B.”

—TOP TEN PRO QUARTERBACKS of all-time (my prejudicial picks): Otto Graham, Cleveland Browns (the guy never lost); Tom Brady,  New England Patriots (as much as I hate to admit it); Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts/Denver Broncos (Extra points for funny commercials); Dan Marino, Miami Dolphins (NFL’s only undefeated quarterback in one season); Joe Montana, San Francisco 49ers (what a great name for a quarterback).

Johnny Unitas, Baltimore Colts (even though he wore those ugly high-topped football cleats); Bart Starr, Green Bay Packers (his last name says it all); Brett Favre, Green Bay Packers (has he come out of retirement again yet?); Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints (talk about a cool breeze); Roger Staubach, Dallas Cowboys (added points for being a military guy and being from Cincinnati.)

The Snubbed (Remember, it’s MY list: Terry Bradshaw and Ben Roethlisberger (No Pittsburgh Steelers get any recognition from me); John Elway, Denver Broncos (Because of what he twice did to my Cleveland Browns); Aaron Rodgers (two Green Bay Packers on the Top Ten list are more than enough); Joe Namath, New York Jets  (I can’t include a huckster who once posed in panty hose).