By HAL McCOY
UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from The man Cave with just a few random questions, sort of a quiz:
—Should the University of Michigan change the name of its favorite song from Hail to the Victors to: (A) Hail to the Victims (B) Hail to the Vanquished, (C) Hail to the Buckeyes. Before Saturday’s game I saw half the people in Kroger wearing Michigan gear and half wearing Ohio State gear. On Sunday morning I saw nothing but scarlet and gray in Kroger. Why was that? —How long until Hue Jackson replaces Marvin Lewis as coach of the Cincinnati Bengals: (A) 24 hours, (B), 48 hours, (C) yesterday. Wasn’t that amazing how much Hue Jackson helped the Bengals? He helped the Bengals the same way he helped the Browns.
—Dwayne Haskins is a better quarterback than: (A) Andy Dalton, (B), Jeff Driskel, (C) Tyrod Taylor. And they said Haskins couldn’t run. He ran against Michigan as if he was dashing for the Ohio border from Ann Arbor with Jim Harbaugh’s cat under his arm.
—Baker Mayfield is a better quarterback than (A) Dwayne Haskins, (B) Andy Dalton, (C) Otto Graham. If you don’t know who Otto Graham was, ask your grand-dad.
—Michigan has not beaten Ohio State in Columbus since (A) Woody Hayes was Ohio State coach, Bump Elliott was Michigan’s coach, (C) Hector was a pup. Remember when OSU led Michigan, 50-14, late in the game and Woody Hayes went for two points after the last touchdown? Asked why he went for two when leading by 36, Woody said, “Because I couldn’t go for three.”
—The Cleveland Browns had not beaten the Cincinnati Bengals in Cincinnati since: (A) Paul Brown was coach of both teams, (B) Jim Brown was the Browns fullback, (C) Sunday. Hey, Bengals did win the second half and did it without A.J. Green and Andy Dalton. But Marvin Lewis was still there, grinning on the sidelines.
—Which one of these men guaranteed a victory for his team was dead wrong: (A) Joe Namath, (B) Jim Harbaugh, (C) Karan Higdon. Namath’s prediction that his New York Jets would win the Super Bowl was outlandish, but he produced. Higdon’s guarantee was a shoulder-shrug because nearly everybody agreed that Michigan would beat Ohio State.
—Which team had the best defense in the country and gave up 62 points in its biggest game of the year: (A) Oklahoma, (B) LSU, (C) Michigan. Everybody expects Oklahoma to give up enough yardage to cover the distance between Ada and Tulsa, but Michigan?
—Which college basketball team lost a game when the experts said it might not lose all season: (A) Dayton, (B) Wright State, (C) Duke. Now it is Gonzaga that may not lose a game. The Zags are the Flavor of the Month.
—The Columbus Blue Jackets are: (A) waiters in a Columbus blues joint, (B) Member of the Columbus police force, (C) The first place hockey team in the NHL’s Eastern Conference Metropolitan Division.
Yes, the first-place Blue Jackets. Who knew?
—Bol Bol is: (A) A Vietnamese delicacy, (B) Just another college football bowl game, (C) A 7-foot-2 basketball player at the University of Oregon from the Sudan. Bol Bol is five inches shorter than his father, former NBA player Manute Bol, who was 7-foot-7 and could dunk standing flat-footed on the floor.
—Bryce Harper is: (A) a future billionaire and a former Washington resident who doesn’t lie to his constituents, (B) the husband of a former Ohio State soccer player, (C) a professional baseball player, the one with the beard. After showing up on the GameDay set wearing Ohio State gear, Harper is now the favorite baseball player of anybody with Buckeye blood.