Observations: Just Call Baseball Games Without Those Tired Clinches

By Hal McCoy

UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from St. Simons Island. . .and I lied. I brought along my laptop and the keyboard kept beckoning me.

—SAY IT STRAIGHT, GUYS: Baseball is the king of cliches and when broadcasters use them it drives me to distraction (It’s really a short putt).

Broadcasters are the worst offenders and if you ever find any in my renderings you can whip me with a torpedo bat.

These are some that involve pitchers and pitching:

On the hill or on the bump. (It’s a pitcher’s mound); Punchout, whiff, fan or K (It’s a strikeout); Uncle Charlie, yakker, bender (It’s a curveball); Heat, smoke, gas, dead red (It’s a fastball); On the black (It’s a strike on the corners); Chin music, buzz the tower (It’s a high, inside pitch); Southpaw (It’s a lefthanded pitcher, so why isn’t a righthander a northpaw?).

Example: “The southpaw just threw an Uncle Charlie on the black just after he buzzed his tower with some heat.” (Translation: Andrew Abbott just threw a curveball on the outside corner after he threw a high, inside fastball.)

—WIN PROBA-WHAT?: Not sure what win probability really means, but MLB Throwback listed its Top 25 and Bottom 25 in win probability.

Cincinnati’s Hunter Greene was listed fourth in the Top 25 (Before Saturday’s mayhem), the first pitcher listed. On the Bottom 25, Reds first baseman Christian Encarnacion-Strand was listed fifth.

The Bottom 25 sounds bogus to me. Jeimer Candelario and Spencer Steer didn’t make it.

—THE OTHER MICKEY: Mickey Mantle was known as a fantastic all-around baseball player, but he was also known as a heavy drinker who when loaded (not the bases, his body with booze) cursed out autograph-seekers.

Mantle and Jack Daniel were close pals.

Broadcaster Bob Costas tells a story about another side of Mantle. Costas said he and Mantle once ate at an expensive New York steakhouse. Costas thought it strange that The Mick asked for a doggy bag.
They were staying at a nearby hotel and even though it was bitterly cold, Mantle wanted to walk back. Then he asked Costas to take a little out-of-the way walk.

They did and Mantle approchaed a cardboard hut and rapped on it. A homeless man appeared and said, “Oh, hi Mick.” Obviously he knew Mantle.

Mantle handed the man the doggy bag and it was clear it wasn’t the first time. So, yes, Mantle not only had a great swing, he had a great heart.

—BALK ON BY: From long-time great friend Brad Schmaltz. . .and who would ever think this?

In MLB history since 1903. there have actually been 25 walk-off balks. That’s a ‘b’ for balks, not ‘w’ for walks.

The Cincinnati Reds have been involved in two, both with Reds at bat. No Reds pitcher has ever balked in a walk-off win.

In 1965, with Tony Perez batting and a runner on third in a tie game, Chicago Cubs pitcher Ernie Broglio balked in the game-ending run.

In 2008, with Tyler Naquin batting for the Reds in a tie game with a runner on third, Tampa Bay’s Matt Wisler balked in the game-ending run.

—QUOTE: From poet/essayist Walt Whitman: “I see great things in baseball.” (Wonder if ol’ Walt thought balks were great things?

—INSIDE JOBS: Inside the park home runs drew my interest recently when I heard that in 1979 Kansas City’s Willie Wilson hit six home runs and five were inside the park.

The record for one season is 12, held by Hall of Famer Sam Crawford, playing for the 1901 Cincinnati Reds. He hit 16 total home runs.

But in those days some parks had no outfield fences and some had fences so far from home plate you needed a sherpa and a guide dog to find them.

The year Crawford hit 12, there were 50 inside the park home runs hit by the home team and visitors in Redsland Field.

During his 24-year career, Ty Cobb hit 117 home runs. And 47 were inside the park.

In more modern times, Mickey Mantle led the American League with 42 homers in 1958. Three were inside the park.

Even Johnny Bench had one during his career and Pete Rose had two. Henry Aaron? Zero.

Remember Elly De La Cruz’s inside the park home run last August. Pretty exciting, right?

—QUOTE: From Babe Ruth, who had 10 inside the park homers among his 714 home runs: “I had only one superstition. I made sure I touched every base when I hit a home run.”

—COMING OF AGE: Has there every been a 19-year-old MLB player get 200 hits in a season? Nope, not yet.

And there have only been five 20-year-olds get 200 hits. One of them was Vada Pinson. He did it in 1959 with the Cincinnati Reds. The others were Ty Cobb (of course), Al Kaline, A-Rod and some guy named Buddy Lewis.

—AN EMPTY BENCH: Another example of the absurdity of the college basketball transfer portal.

Coach Scott Drew’s Baylor University team was 20-15 last season and lost to Duke in the second round of the NCAA tournament.

Of 14 players on the roster, how many do you think are returning to Baylor for next season? It’s zero. Z-e-r-o.

Four graduated, one turned pro and nine went into the transfer portal.

Unfortunately, that isn’t a rare case, yet the NCAA is sitting on its thumbs, doing nothing. At the least, make a transfer player sit out a year before he is eligible to play at another school. At the most, make a rule that a kid can only play at two schools during his eligible years.

How mercenary is it that a player like Mike Sharavjamts will play at four schools in four years — Dayton, San Francisco, Utah and he is once again in the transfer portal?

—FIRST TO THIRD: From comedian Steven Wright: “When I was in Little League I was on first base and I stole third base. I was taught that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

“The umpire said I had to go to second base first and I told him it was out of my way.”

—SOME MORE UECKER-ISMS: From catcher/broadcaster Bob Uecker on Philadelphia fans, who once booed Santa Claus:

“The highllight of my baseball career came in Philadelphia when I saw a fan fall out of the upper deck. When he got up and walked away, the crowd booed.

“They had an Easter egg hunt on the field in Philadelphia and when a kid didn’t find an egg the crowd booed him.

“When I came to bat with the St. Louis Cardinals in Philadelphia, I was the only opposing player Philadelphia fans cheered for because they knew I wouldn’t get a hit.”

—PLAYLIST NUMBER 165: As soldier/politician John Logan put it: “Music is the medicine of the mind.” (And I take large does every day. I can’t write without music in the background).

—Searchin’ (The Coasters), Cruise (Florida Georgia Line), At This Moment (Billy Vera), This Magic Moment (Jay & The Americans), Lonely Teardrops (Jackie Wilson), Private Eyes (Hall & (Oates), I Love A Rainy Night (Eddie Rabbtt), I Think We’re Alone Now (Tiffany).

—Here I Am (Air Supply), Listen To The Music (Doobie Brothers), Lonesome Loser (Little River Band), Arizona (Mark Lindsday), Movin’ Out (Billy Joel), Venus (Frankie Avalon), The Morning After (Maureen McGovern), All By Myself (Eric Carmen), Mr. Bojangles (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band).