By Hal McCoy
UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from The Man Cave, staying up way past my bed time with a pot of coffee next to me, watching to see if the Cincinnati Reds can score more than a run or two against the San Francisco Giants. Miracles do happen.
—GIVE ‘EM A CALL: If somebody in the Cincinnati Reds front office will pick up a phone, a caller has a message: “Get in touch with the St. Louis Cardinals and see what they’re eating for breakfast.”
The Cardinals, said to be in rebuild mode, had 10 or more hits in each of their first nine games and nine hits in their 10th game.
The Reds have had 10 or more hits only twice in their first 11 games — 14 in a 14-3 win over Texas and 14 in an 11-7 win over Milwaukee.
In the other nine games, Cincinnati’s bats were as useless as an appendix.
Elly De La Cruz is 4 for his last 31 and if he doesn’t hit in the middle of the order the Reds will continue to sputter like a Hyundai in a mud puddle.
And nobody ever accused Reds manager Terry Francona of not having a sense of humor.
This comes from baseball writer Gordon Wittenmyer. Francona was asked what he could do about his team’s lack of run production and he said, “We were thinking about having a human sacrifice, but nobody volunteered.”
We all can think of two or three who should be.
—COMERICA COMEDY: It was snowing and bitterly cold Monday afternoon when the Detroit Tigers hosted the New York Yankees in Comerica Park.
That took me back to April 11. 2000, the day of Comerica Park’s berth and that first game was against the Cincinnati Reds.
It was snowing and bitterly cold that day as I stood next to Reds manager Jack McKeon near home plate during batting practice.
As he looked out toward center field, 422 feet away with a wall 8 1/2 feet high, he said, “I was in a park just like this one once. I think they called it Yellowstone. The boys with the bats ain’t gonna like this place, which reminds me of a mausoleum.”
It took 25 years of batters constantly complaining for the Tigers to do something. For this season they brought the center field wall in to 412 feet and lowered it to 7 feet.
And from day one, Comerica was MLB’s only park with a dirt path from the pitcher’s mound to the home plate area. They did away with it this year, let grass grow over it, “Because the players didn’t like it,” said a Detroint executive.
—CUBS’ FRIAR TUCK: In numerology, the number 11 signifies a new beginning and Kyle Tucker has taken it to heart. After seven years with Houston, the Astros traded him to the Chicago Cubs in the off-season, a new beginning.
What does 11 have to do with it? In his first 11 games with the Cubs Tucker had 11 hits, 11 runs, 11 RBI and 11 walks.
Wouldn’t it be something if he wore uniform number 30? But he doesn’t. He wears 30, the same number he wore in Houston. But the Cubs would love it if after 30 games he had 30 hits, 30 RBI, 30 runs and 30 walks.
—RAPID ROBERT: My dad, a semi-pro baseball pitcher, told me that Bob Feller could throw his fastball 110 miles an hour as we listened to the Cleveland Indians on our Crosley radio.
Hall of Famer Frankie Frisch probably believed it.
Legendary scout Cy Slapnicka signed the 17-year old Feller off a farm in Van Meter, Iowa,(population: 1,468) and they immediately boarded a train for St. Louis, where the Tribe was playing an exhibition game.
Feller started the game and threw two flame-belching fastball strikes past Hall of Famer Frankie Frisch. Frisch left the batter’s box, heading for the dugout as he yelled over his shouder at the umpire, “To hell with that. You hlt against that kid. I’m not.”
The Indians immediately added the 17-year-old kid to their roster, he never threw one pitch in the minors — and one year struck out 348 batters.
Akron Beacon Journal baseball writer Jim Schlemmer penned one of the all-time great lines after Feller was hit in the groin area by a line drive: “Feller was hit where only a feller could be hit.”
—DEFINITELY ‘THE MAN’: Stan Musial was one of the all-time great hitters — he batted .330 for the St. Louis Cardinals when he was 41.
Musial used one of the quirkiest batting stances ever seen by mankind. He peered over his left shoulder while standing at home plate like a Snyder’s of Hanover twisted pretzel.
He was asked if anybody during his American Legion Days or high school days ever tried to change his stance.
Said Musial, “Why would they do that? I always hit .500.”
—MARK IT DOWN: Everybody has their own way of keeping score of a baseball game, their own symbols and scribblings.
After Hall of Fame shortstop Phil Rizzuto retired, he became an eccentric radio broadcaster for the New York Yankees.
His booth partner was Bill White, who later became president of the National League.
During one game White peered at the hieroglyphics in Rizzuto’s scorebook and noted a ‘WW’ in one of the boxes next to a player’s name.
“What does ‘WW’ stand for? White asked.
“Wasn’t Watching,” said Rizzuto.
—MASTER AT THE MASTERS: The Masters golf tournament is this weekend at Augusta National Golf Club, The Vatican of golf courses.
While covering The Masters one year, I sat in the press hut next to my writing hero, Jim Murray, the master of one-liners at the Masters.
For example, he wrote, “They play the 18th hole with a driver, an 8-iron and a priest.”
And of the slick, lightning-fast greens, he wrote, “The greens are not grass, they’re ice rinks. The only guy who can make a 30-foot putt is Wayne Gretzkey with a stick and a puck.”
Speaking of great lines, former Washington columnist Shirley Povich (he was a man, despite his first name) constantly criticized NFL owner George Preston Marshall for refusing to sign black players for his Washington Redskis.
So after the Cleveland Browns whipped his Redskins, Povich’s lead on his column was, “JIm Brown, born ineligible to play for the Redskins, integrated their end zone three times yesterday.”
—‘V’ FOR VICTORY: Remember the old Bo Jackson commercials for Nike, ‘Bo knows?’
As everybody should know by now, Dick Vitale knows college basketball like the back of his bald pate. Anybody wise enough to follow his NCAA tournament bracket this season probably won their pool.
Ask my great friend Jeff Gordon. In a rush to fill out a bracket, he followed Vitale’s bracket, game-by-game, and won his pool when Florida beat Houston in the finals.
Lunch is on Jeff this week.
—ANOTHER UECKER-ISM: From catcher/broadcaster/comedian Bob Uecker: “People asked me how long a dozen bats would last me. Depending on the weight and model I was using at that time, becausef I didn’t get to use them very much, I would say eight to 10 cookouts.”
—KEEP ON TRUCKIN’: Nadine’s private Amazon truck, the Amadine, made only two stops today. Amazon is slipping.
—PLAYLIST NUMBER 152: As author Bryce W. Anderson put it: “I’ve found that no matter what life throws at me, music softens the blow.”
—The Things We Do For Love (10cc), Dancing In The Dark (Bruce Springsteen), Dancing In The Moonlight (King Harvey), Swingin’ To The Music (Johnny Rivers), More Than I Can Say (Leo Sayer), I Need You (America).
—Sweet Life (Paul Davis), Run Through The Jungle (Credence Clearwater Revival), So Far Away (Carole King), I Wish It Would Rain Down (Phil Collins), The Bar Song (Shaboozey), Take Me Home Tonight (Eddie Money), Danger Zone (Kenny Loggins).