OBSERVATIONS: ‘All The Lies About Babe Ruth Are True’ — Teammate Waite Hoyt

By Hal McCoy

UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from The Man Cave, enjoying the 30-degree heat wave and rummaging through the cupboards for my suntan lotion.

—RUTHIAN TALES: In the last episode, UD point guard Malachi Smith talked about not reading any books when he promised he would.

How about Babe Ruth? He claimed the only book he ever read was a ghost-written book about himself, ‘Babe Ruth’s Own Book About Baseball.’

A sports writer doubted he even read that one and Ruth said, “Dammit, I read it twice.”

Believe this if you wish, but in his excellent book, ‘The New York Game,’ author Kevin Baker related Babe Ruth’s daily food and beverage intake.

“He started his day with a bourbon and ginger ale, followed by a breakfast of a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon and a loaf of bread. Lunch was six hot dogs just before the game, although he might send the clubhouse boy for more if he got hungry between innings. A large dinner followed, along with numerous sandwiches before his 4 a.m. bedtime.

“All of it was washed down with countless gallons of beer, soda pop and pitchers of ice tea drunk in one long gulp — tea, lemon slices and ice cubes.”

True or apochryphyl? Said forner teammate and Reds radio broadcastert Waite Hoyt, “All the lies about Babe Ruth are true.”

And this one. . .research revealed that Ruth hit 198 home runs that traveled more than 450 feet. Mark McGwire did it 74 times and Barry Bonds did it 36 times.

Ruth did it without PEDs and beer doesn’t count.

Most photos of Ruth were taken in the latter stages of his career, when he was more polly than rolly. Early in his career he was trim and muscular, enabling him to steal home 10 times, collect 10 inside the park home runs and bunt for hits 42 times.

—SUITING SUTER: One can count in a mini-second how many Harvard graduates play Major League Baseball.

You can start and end right now with Cincinnati Reds relief pitcher Brent Suter. As one might expect from a Hah-vid guy, he is about more than baseball.

He has written a children’s book, ‘Binky Bandit,’ a tale (tail?) about a mischievous dog. He has written songs and poetry. He is an accomplished imitator, entertaining teammss by imitating Harry Caray and Jim Carey, plus guys in the clubhouse, including an imitation of new manager Terry Francona.

He is a great admirer of teammate Elly De La Cruz and spends time trying to convince Elly that he can become one of the best of all time, “The next-level superstar. He doesn’t believe it, but he can be.”

Suter was an ‘Opener’ starter against the
Dodgers last year in Dodger Stadium.

“It was Shohei Ohtani Bobblehead Night with 52,000 in the stands,” he said. “I hit him in the leg with a pitch,” which made Suter as popular in LA as Charles Manson.

“Two weeks later in Cincinnati Ohtani hit a triple off me and didn’t run very hard,” said Suter. “I learned later he was still hurting from me hitting him in the leg.”

Suter, a Cincinnati Moeller product, wondered how that could be, “Since I don’t throw harder than 85 to 86 miles an hour.”

Asked if he would be scouted now when pitchers routinely throw 98 to 100 miles an hour, Suter said, “No, they wouldn’t even look at me. In fact, I probably couldn’t make the Moeller team. They have five or six pitchers throwing 95.”

—EJECTION SEAT: Nolan Ryan pitched 27 years in the majors and was only ejected once and that came in his 26th year.

Early in a game, Willie Wilson tripled off Ryan and shouted obscenties at Ryan from third base.

Do you need to guess what happened to Wilson the next time he batted? Yep, ker-plunk. Ryan hit him with a pitch and umpire Richie Garcia immediately gave Ryan the ejection thumb.

—HIT AND MYTH: The myth is that Abner Doubleday ‘invented’ baseball in Cooperstown, NY, but they don’t believe it at the Baseball Hall of Fame & Museum in Cooperstown.

How do we know that? Abner Doubleday is not in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Another myth, not true, is that Alexander Cartwright ‘invented’ baseball. But he is in the Ball Hall of Fame, inducted in 1938.

What? Say it ain’t so, Joe.

—WHAT B-I-L-L-S MEANS: This time the Buffalo Bills won’t have the opportunity to make it five in a row. . .five trips to the Super Bowl and five losses. They are 0-for-4 and the Kansas City Chiefs spared them the ignominy of making it five.

After the fourth defeat, night talk show host David Letterman said,, “We all know what Bills stands for: ‘Boy I Like Losing Super Bowls.’” That’s the first letter of Buffalo’s nickname. . . B-I-L-L-S.

When the Bills lost Sunday to Kansas City, Buffalo quarterback Josh Allen said, “To be the champs, you gotta beat the champs.”

Poor Josh should know. He is 0-and-4 in playoff games against the Chiefs.

And an awesome on-air quip from Dayton TV2’s Jack Pohl: “Kansas City’s colors are red and gold, but a lot of people believe they are black and white. (I don’t have to explain that one, do I?)

—THE NAME GAME: Some favorite names of college basketball players:

**Always Right, Rhose Island. (That should be my wife’s name.)

**George Washington III, Ricmond. (Shouldn’t he play for George Washington?)

**Townsend Triple, BYU. (He has to be a three-point shooter, right?)

**Tennessee Rainwater, Utah Tech. (Good thing basketbsll is played indoors.)

**Phat Phat Brooks, Michigan. (He’s not phat once, he’s phat twice.)

**Gob Gob, Kansas City. (Is that short for Gobble Gobble and he plays like a turkey?)

**Cli’ron Hornbeak, Kent State. (Is it tough to shoot free throws with a pointy nose?)

**Puff Johnson, Penn State. (Is that Puff the Magic Nittany Lion?)

**Legend Getter, Detroit Mercy. (With the way D-M is playing, the Titans need to getter done with a few more Legends.)

**Leaky Black, UNC. (He never plays defense.)

**Supreme Cook, Rhode Island. (The team always has a scrumptious pre-game meal.)

—MORE UECKER-ISMS: Have you heard these Bob-isms?

“For a guy like myself, one of the all-time greats, my first Opening Day they told me we were playing a night game and I found out we’d played that afternoon. So I kinda missed that one.”

“I was with the Braves twice, actually. They didn’t believe how bad I was the first time.”

“In 1965, I was oh-for-June, oh-for-July and oh-fer August, which was really not that bad of a streak for me.”

“I struck out 162 times in 297 games and those were my good nights.”

“I’m 3,000th on the all-time home run list, but I think I’m second on the called third strike list.”

—PLAYLIST NUMBER 142: As actor/singer Johnny Depp put it: “Music touches us emotionally where words alone can’t.”

—Sweet Dreams (Eurythmics), Jack & Diane (John Cougar Mellencamp), Not Fade Away (Rolling Stones), Fame (David Bowie), Ain’t No Sunshine (Bill Withers), Spirit In The Sky (Norman Greenbaum), Romeo & Juliet (Dire Straits), Smoke Gets In Your Eyes (The Platters.)

—Dizzy (Tommy Roe), Georgy Girl (The Seekers), Time In A Bottle (Jim Croce), Nowhere Man (The Beatles), I Get Around (Beach Boys), Stop! In The Name Of Love (The Supremes), Kentucky Rain (Elvis Presley), Karma Chameleon (Culture Club).