By Hal McCoy
UNSOLICITED OBSERVATIONS from The Man Cave, awaiting an answer from Juan Soto about my request for a $1 million gift to the Old Sports Writer’s Fund (Me).
—SOLVE ‘EM. SOTO: Now that Juan Soto signed a 15-year $765 million guaranteed non-deferred contract, he should be able to single-handedly lead the New York Mets to about five straight World Series championships, right?
And while he’s at it, with that money we expect him to cure all forms of cancer, eliminate world hunger, reverse global warming and pay off the national debt.
It’s a tough contract to take when one realizes that $765 million is more money than the Cincinnati Reds spent on total payroll over the last six seasons. And the Reds aren’t alone in that category.
Parity in baseball is non-existent and never will be until the players realize that a salary cap is necessary for the good of the game. But all the players care about is the good of their personal bank accounts.
Even more amazing, after five years Soto can opt-out of the contract so he can seek a billion-dollar contract. But within a year or two, some other player will be sport’s first Billion-Dollar Man.
—OH, JOHNNY: No matter how bad the situation was or had been, Pete Rose always found humor in it, including incarceration.
Shortly after his prison term for tax evasion, Rose appeared on The Johnny Carson Show for the first time. As he walked through the curtains, the Doc Severinsen Band played ‘Take Me Out To The Ball Game.’
Rose sat on the couch and his first words were, “Hey, Doc, thanks for not playing Jailhouse Rock.”
Then he looked at Carson and said, “All those records I set but I gotta go to prison before I can be on this show.”
—QUOTE: From Pete Rose: “Money can’t buy happiness and if it could I’d buy myself four hits every game.” (And he had enoughl pocket money to do it.)
—CLEVELAND ROCKS: As a fan of everything sports on the banks of Lake Erie (as an Akron native), I was gladdened and saddened on the same day.
First, it was great to see Guardians radio guy Tom Hamilton receive the Ford Frick Award and will be inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame.
Hamilton’s unabashed excitement for basebnall and the Guardians is unmatched. He is up there with Marty Brennaman and John Sterling as my favorites. Sterling just retired from the Yankees booth and eventually will join Brennaman and Hamilton in ‘The Hall.’
On the downside, Rocky Colavito, one of my all-time favorite Cleveland baseball players, passed away at 91. When the Indians traded him to Detroit for Harvey Kuehn I was as distraught as when Jim Brown retired, as when Art Modell moved ‘The Real Cleveland Browns’ to Baltimore and as when they changed Indians to Guardians. . .or the – – – – dians.
—FEARED NO BONDS: Ever hear of a former MLB pitcher named Geremi Gonzalez? Me neither and I had to cover many games in which he appeared.
But. . .
While his nearly 10 years in the majors with the Chicago Cubs, Tampa Bay, Boston, New York Mets and Milwaukee were not illustrious, he did do something 582 other pitchers couldn’t do.
He was one of 583 pitchers who faced Barry Bonds in at least six games. And Gonzalez is the only one that retired Bonds every at bat.
He was also on the mound when Sammy Sosa was nabbed using a corked bat.
And the strangest of all, Gonzalez was killed by a lightning strike in his native Punta Palma, Venezuela, when he was 32 years old.
What is it about Venezuelan players and strange tragedies. Former Reds catcher Bo Diaz was crushed to death on his roof by a satellite dish. High winds blew it over and Diaz was trying to put it back up. He was 37.
And former MLB outfielder Vic Davallilo died from complications after surgery. But he was 84.
—BEST BE ON IT: One of the best and most clever thing I ever heard a manager say to his team was when Dave Bristol managed the Reds and the team was on a losing streak on the road. After a particularly bad loss, Bristol stood in front of the bus headed back to the hotel and said:
“There will be two buses leaving the hotel for the park tomorrow.” he said. “The two o’clock bus will be for those who need a little extra work. The empty bus will leave at five o’clock.”
—LIGHT OF DAY: If Ohio State fumbles away its playoff game with Tennessee the fans will want Ryan Day’s skin on a roasting stick. Some already want it.
If Ohio State fires Day after this season, it will cost them $37 million, the amount remaining on his contract. Will the school absorb that amount?
Well, we’re talking about a school that has $20 million in NIL money in play, but that cash is for the players and not under university control.
And I’m thinking about entering the sports writer’s transfer portal. . .if one is formed. We don’t even have NIL money.
—NET WORTH: ‘Splain this one to me, Lucy. The NET rankings: UConn 21st, Dayton 38th, North Carolina 43rd.
Dayton beat UConn, but the Huskies are ahead of the Flyers. Dayton lost to North Carolina, but the Tarheels are below the Flyers.
Looks to me as if somebody spilled apple juice into the NET’s Apple Powerbook.
—SOCIAL WHAT?: When it comes to social media, I’m pretty much in agreement with 75-year-old sitdown comedian Austin Higgins when he says, “Social media for me is the bulletin board at Kroger and MyChart.” And I don’t even know my password for MyChart.
—QUOTING QUOTIENT: More words, not of wisdom, but mostly of humor:
—From Casey Stengel when he managed the New York Mets: “Most people my age are dead. You can look it up.” (Some players thought Ol’ Casey was dead when he fell asleep in the dugout during games.)
—From Rocky Bridges when he had disdain for sports writers: “I know what the word media means. It’s plural for mediocre.” (I resemble that).
—From former manager Lee Elia, talking about pitcher Bill Caudill: “He’s not a high ball pitcher, he’s a highball drinker.” (Whatever fits the ‘Bill,’ Lee.)
—From pitcher Paul Foytack when his fastball dwindled: “When that little something extra is missing, generally a lot of baseballs go missing, too.” (They generally can be found in the outfield seats, Paul.)
—From former infielder Tito Fuentes after a pitcher knocked him down: “They shouldn’t throw at me, I’m the father of five or six kids.” (Maybe when Tito got off the road and went home, he could count his kids.)
—PLAYLIST NUMBER 120: As Gonzo journalist Jack Kerouac, author of ‘On The Road,’ wrote, “The only truth is music.”
’39 (Queen), When Will I See You Again? (The Three Degrees), For A Long, Long Time (Linda Ronstadt), If You Don’t Know (Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes), Borderline (Madonna), Lazy Day (Spanky & Our Gang), Rhythm Of Rain (Cascades), I’ll Have To Say I Love You In A Song (Jim Croce). Leader Of The Band (Dan Fogelberg), Shot Through The Heart (Bon Jovi), Blowin’ In The Wind (Bob Dylan), Don’t Do Me Like That (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers), In My Room (Beach Boys), On Broadway (The Drifters) Hey! Baby (Bruce Channel).